| Q: When will my toddlers stop asking me ‘why’? My three-and-a-half-year-old daughter has been doing it for several months, and now her 22-month-old brother is mimicking her.
A: Auckland psychologist Jo Bowler replies:
As part of learning about language, young children discover that "why" a very powerful word is. Your little girl has learned that adults have to answer questions and "why" is so much better than any other question because it doesn’t simply get a "yes" or "no". What it gets is rewarding attention as Mum or Dad launches into an explanation "just for me!" As an attention-getter you can’t beat the word "why".
Repeating why is a developmental stage as old as the history of the human race. Last century parents stopped "why" questions with the old rhyme "because ‘y’ is a crooked letter and it doesn’t know any better". Preschoolers can’t understand adult reasoning or long-winded explanations so they just keep repeating the question for fun, to the point where "why" starts to bug parents. Your toddler looks to his sister as a role model but his "whys" are just imitation.
You can try encouraging her to think by turning the question back on your daughter. For example, "What do you think about that?" You can also try ignoring some of the "whys" by repeating over and over, "I don’t know, Lucy." When she realizes she can’t always hook you into giving your attention the "whys" will dwindle off. However when her question is a genuine request for information about a problem or situation she’s trying to understand do give your daughter a serious answer. Just keep it short and use language at a level she can understand. |
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