CHILDREN AND THEIR CLOTHES

How much choice do I give them?

Q: How much choice should I give my kids with their clothes? We have quite a few battles over what to wear and I just want to set some reasonable guidelines. A: Psychologist Dr Ruth Jillings replies: Young children have so little in their lives they can control that some of them choose to exert control over what they wear. This is normal and healthy. Where possible allow the child some freedom to decide on what they will wear. But keep in mind that much choice is overwhelming for young children – select a few options and let the child choose from them. This reduces the wildly inappropriate options. Some children have very strong views on what they will wear, such as togs in winter. This becomes a process of negotiation. Tell your child they can wear the togs as long as they have some warm clothes on top (or in some cases togs on top of the winter clothes.) Over time the really wacky outfits are produced less often because of peer pressure. The issue of clothes has the potential to be a power struggle and masses of energy can be expended that is better spent elsewhere. Keep it in perspective: The quality of our parenting is not defined by how our children look. My youngest used to favor one pair of shorts and one t-shirt every day. Over time we have worked out a compromise that she can dress to her taste most of the time and occasionally I will ask her to put on something that I like. The paradox is that when parents take the heat out of the issue and give their children some freedom, over time they become more compliant because there are not the same attention rewards when making a fuss.

Is this a phase?

Q: Why do my little girls change their clothes a million times a day? Is this just a phase and what would be reasonable guidelines to set? A: Psychologist Dr Ruth Jillings replies: Toddlers who change their clothes all the time tend to just be going through a phase. There is nothing wrong with it. The limits set on this would simply be in terms of a parent’s time and patience with washing. A practical solution is to make sure only a modest amount of clothes are easily accessible to the child. For children who like to play in their best gear – put all the special clothes up high.