SECRETLY LIKE MY BABY BEST!

I feel guilty, but I secretly like my baby best!

Q: I feel awful admitting this but I find my four-month-old baby so much easier to parent than my two-and-a-half year old. I am worried that it is becoming obvious in the way I act and speak to them both that I prefer the time I spend with my baby. What can I do? A: Child psychologist Ruth Jillings, replies: It is brave of you to admit that you find one child easier to parent than the other. It is not something that parents usually mention but the truth is that it happens to all of us. Given the rapid developmental stages that children go through, in a family of more than one child there is bound to be one who is at a more difficult stage than another. The thing to remember is that this is common and usually the child who is easier to parent changes from week to week or month-to-month depending on the stage they are at. Right now you have your defenseless, tiny baby and your normal, healthy, bolshie’s two-and-a-half year old, who is probably trying to claim most of your attention from the newcomer. No doubt you are exhausted as well. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t find this situation difficult. It is great that you are acknowledging your feelings. The key is that you don’t let your two year old realize that it is easier and more pleasant for you to spend time with the baby. The healthiest thing to do is to talk the issue through with someone you trust. Often just expressing your feelings can make the situation easier. Also, please recognize with two children under two-and-a-half, you are going through one of the most difficult parenting periods. If you can give yourself credit for the difficult job you are doing and accept any offers of support, things should get easier. Finally, although this sounds contrary, see if you can arrange it so that you and your two year old get some time alone together. Often with some relaxed time you will find that you start taking pleasure in both your kids again.