BEDTIME DRAMAS

Won't sleep

"My two-year-old won’t stay in his bed. He hops out at least a dozen times. The only thing that works is lying next to him until he falls asleep. Isn’t there something else we could try?” Once children can climb out of bed, they will often reappear -- asking for a drink, claiming they forgot to do something, saying they're scared. A regular routine is best – a bath, a drink, then teeth cleaning, before tucking them in, and reading a quiet story. Sometimes it helps to make a chart with photos or drawings of the child going through each of the stages, with the last illustration being "staying in your own bed until morning". Rewards and consequences can help keep wanderers under the covers. Maybe tell them they will find a sticker under their pillow the next morning if they stay in bed, or they can choose from two favorite cereals. Make sure you keep the rewards programmed short-term, though – probably no more than a couple of weeks. As you leave the room, reminds your child "it's time to go to sleep now". There needs to be a consequence if they don't stay – door closing can be effective. But once they are asleep, open the door.

Does controlled crying work?

"People told me to let my daughter cry herself to sleep. I tried it once but I felt like the cruelest mother in the world. I can’t face doing that again.” Like it or hate it, controlled crying works, according to most of the experts. Triple P (Positive Parenting Program) has three different approaches to suit varying levels of parental tolerance of crying. The tougher the programmed, the faster the result. The hardest-nosed programmed gives the child a choice – if you stay in bed you will get a surprise in the morning; if you cry out or get up, you will be put back. For the first couple of nights your child could cry from 10 minutes to an hour. Go in after the first 10 minutes and reassure them, but leave quickly. This programmed should take about seven days, say the Triple P experts. The gradual approach involves leaving them to cry for five minutes then going in for a minute and patting them, reminding them you are there for them, then leaving the room. Leave it longer each time before returning. This will take about two weeks to work. The really gentle option is to lie them down, say goodnight, and lie down on another bed in the room, pretending to sleep. Leave when they have fallen asleep. This may take longer, but you’ll get there in the end.

Musical Beds

“My three-year-old comes into our room in the night. If we let him climb into our bed, we get a really disturbed night because he wriggles and takes up lots of space. My husband usually gets up and goes to sleep in our son’s room.” If you don’t want him in your bed, you’ll need to be firm and consistent about taking him straight back to his bed. Tell him straight that he needs to sleep in his own bed. The ultimate goal is a good night's sleep for everyone. If he shares a room with a brother or sister who you don't want to disturb, maybe have another mattress in your room. A star chart may help him learn to stay in his own bed – you could promise a reward after a week of undisturbed sleep. Remember to offer plenty of praise when he stays in his own bed for the whole night.

Early Birds

"My daughter consistently wakes at around 4.30am. We've tried keeping her up later, but it ends up worse - she often wakes at 1 or 2am instead!" All families need to work out what time is okay for the kids to get out of bed. In most cases, a 6am start would be the earliest acceptable rise-and-shine time. If your daughter can read a digital clock, try showing her which number needs to be showing before she’s allowed to get up. Tell her she can stay in her room and read books or play until then. Although it’s not what you’d expect, some sleep experts suggest that over-tired children tend to wake up earlier than fully-rested ones, so try an earlier bedtime and see if that helps.

Dropping the Day Nap

"My son is nearly three. If he doesn’t get an afternoon nap, he gets really hard to handle in the evening, but if I let him have a sleep he’ll often stay awake until about 10pm.” Children drop to two day sleeps at around six months, and one day sleep at a year old. Usually between two and three years, they will drop the nap altogether. The "transition" to no naps is difficult. Parents have to decide whether to put up with a sleepless child who is cranky around dinner time or let them nap in the afternoon – and stay up till 10pm! One suggestion you could try is giving your child an early dinner – around 4.30pm before they get really cranky – then a supper before bed at 6.30pm if they have had no day nap. Over a couple of months, bedtime will ease out again.

Where to go for help

Plunked Family Centers offer help to parents in settling newborns, and many have sleep talks for parents of older babies. They also have a range of sleep videos: Hush-A-Bye, to recognize the tired signs in young babies, and Sleepy time, which is good for three month olds. Plunked Line 0800 933 922

Books

Sleep Right, Sleep Tight, by Rosey Cummings, Karen Houghton, Le Ann Williams, Doubleday. 1st Revised edition due November 2006. The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddler hood, by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau. Atria Books, 2006 The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night, by Elizabeth Pantley. McGraw-Hill, 2002. Settling the Young Baby - A Practical Guide for Parents, by former Plunked nurse Patricia Aley. Sleep Book, by Kathy Macdonald and Presbyterian Support Northern.