THE FIRST SLEEPOVER

FOR SOME PARENTS, the moment comes as early as days or weeks after their baby is born. For others, months or even years can pass before they pluck up the courage to leave their precious offspring with someone else while they escape for a night. But getting back into the swing of adult outings can be great for your self esteem, your relationship - and your sex life! After all, it can be easy to lose your perspective when you're up to your ears in baby rice and play dough every day. Choosing the right time to treat you to a night away from the kids is an individual decision. For some, it'll be determined by outside factors - an adults-only wedding out of town, a business trip or the birth or a new baby, for example. For others, it'll be a daunting prospect delayed for as long as possible. Generally, the earlier you organize a sleepover, the less traumatic it will be for your child (although not necessarily for you!). Babies can strike a period of separation anxiety at anytime between six and 18 months, so it'll be a big help if your baby is already used to staying over at Grandma's house by this time. "The longer you leave it, the harder it gets," says one mum, who has yet to spend a night apart from her three-year-old. One way of easing the transition is to have your sitter come to stay at your home while you go out of town or just pop up the road to a hotel. By keeping the child in her home environment, she can get used to the idea of being looked after by someone else, without too much disruption to her daily routine. This is one of the times when new parents who have close family nearby are at a great advantage. Most of us feel more comfortable leaving our children with a grandma or aunty - or you might even find yourself developing a new appreciation of your mother-in-law! If your family live out of town, invite them to come to stay for a few days, then after they're familiar with your children's routine, pop away for a night. Alternatively, maybe you and a fellow mum from your neighborhood could take turns to stay at each other's house and give each other a break. Whoever you choose as a career, it should be someone your child is familiar and comfortable with, and ideally someone with experience in looking after young children. Make sure the sitter knows your child's routine, but give them leeway to let the child stay up a little later, watch a video or have some ice cream as a special-occasion treat. Remember, you might want to do this again in the future, so you want your kid to remember it as a happy event. Once you're ready to try a sleepover at someone else's house, a little preparation will help you a lot. Visit the house a few times in advance and pop baby into the cot for a daytime nap, so he gets used to the idea. If you're using a portico, practice putting baby to sleep in it at home so it's not a frightening new experience. Pack your child's favorite mobile, music box and bedtime toys, so he's got familiar objects around him. With older children, prepare them in advance by casually mentioning that they're going to stay the night away. Make it sound like an adventure - they'll pick up on the vibes if you seem worried. Leave a little note beside their bed, or a little present under their pillow to tell them you love them. Often separation anxiety is more of an issue for the parents than their children. If you've never spent time apart, your child may cry a little when you say goodbye, but chances are the tears will dry up before you've reached the mailbox. Resist the urge to prolong the farewell or go back. If worry is ruining your outing, phone home after half an hour to check that everything settled down. Take your mobile so you can be contacted if need be - chances are you won't, and you might be surprised at how much you enjoy having your life back!