LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX

We want to be more open about sex with our kids than our parents were but how should we go about it to make it all seem natural?

Robyn Salisbury, psychologist and director of Sex Therapy New Zealand, replies: Good for you being aware of the importance of this. Talk to your kids about their bodies in matter of fact ways using the correct terms from birth onwards. Bath time is a natural time to do this as you wash each part. It’s just as important for them to know about their vagina, clitoris, vulva/ penis, testicles as it is their knees and eyes. As they move into toddler hood they’ll discover for themselves how good it feels to play with their genitals. Then its time to teach them this is something that’s done in private. They need gentle guidance that yes, that does feel nice but it’s something you do in your bedroom not in the supermarket! Ensure that while you may well tickle their little round tummies you never play with their genital area and teach them that isn’t something they do with their siblings or friends either. Occasions for sex education will arise naturally. A pregnant friend will generate questions about how the baby got there and how it’s going to get out. Talk to your local children’s librarian or bookshop about the best books to read to children to help them learn about sex. Make sure they include descriptions of sexual feelings as well as the facts

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