BECOMING A FATHER

There are two little words which could change a mans life forever: “I’m pregnant.”

Planned or unplanned, pregnancy is a huge upheaval for men as well as women. However while women often share their concerns and talk to others about every tiny detail, men often end up never expressing their fears. Common concerns for expectant fathers are generally about money, not knowing “what to do” when the baby arrives and the loss of their freedom. Then, of course, there’s the scary prospect of the labor and delivery. It’s normal to feel apprehensive about the birth. The woman you love will be in immense pain, but there’s nothing you can do about it. One of the best things a man can do – both for himself and his partner – is to be prepared! To help we have put together a 3 step plan to ensure your partner will be the kind of labor coach you can rely on.

Become a hunter and seek information:

There are countless books about pregnancy, childbirth and child-rearing. Reading up not only helps fathers feel a part of the process – it makes your pregnant partner feel loved and supported, too.

Know what to expect:

It’s a good idea to attend as many antenatal classes as possible – you’ll gain a great appreciation for what labor and birth entails, from start to finish. Sometimes it can happen fast, but rarely, for most labor is a journey – and it’ll be helpful to understand that this journey comes in three stages:

First stage - This is the longest stage of labor and on average can last between 8-16 hours. During this phase the cervix complete opens in preparation for the baby to pass down the birth canal. Known as the ripening of the cervix, where regular contractions of the muscles of the uterus cause the cervix to become thin and flat and will begin to stretch until fully dilated -full dilation is estimated to be 10cm. Contractions are their strongest near the end of this stage – don’t be alarmed if harsh words may are voiced during this time! Second Stage - The second stage begins as the cervix is fully dilated and the baby’s head begins to pass out through the cervix and down the birth canal. This can last from minutes to hours — the average is about an hour for a first-time pregnancy (longer if she's had an epidural) — and ends with a moment that's made up in equal parts of relief and breathtaking beauty: the birth of your baby. Third stage - It's not over yet! The final stage which begins immediately after the birth of your baby is the delivery of the placenta. This can take anywhere between one to 30 minutes later. Apart from understanding the process it’s good to visually prepare for the journey – watch a video of a vaginal or c-section birth. It will enlighten you on the messy and unglamorous side of labor.

Be Prepared:

Understand your role as coach Your LMC is there to ensure your partner and baby does well during labor and birth. But you have a big role in helping your partner get comfortable and in communicating her wishes. Discuss the birth plan with your partner and ensure you understand her preferences regarding things like pain relief and intervention. It’s also a good idea to develop a good rapport with your LMC, as during labor you may need to voice your partners preferences if she in not in the right frame to do so herself. Know how to time the contractions Make sure your watch has a readable second hand, and time your wife's contractions from the beginning of one contraction to the beginning of the next. If they're eight to 10 minutes apart and last 30 to 45 seconds each, your partner is likely in early labor. Your doctor or midwife can help you make the decision over the phone about when to come in. As a general rule-of-thumb, if the contractions are less than five minutes apart, last a minute or more, and continue in that pattern for an hour, you should get to the hospital. But some situations call for getting to the hospital sooner, so be sure to talk to your LMC ahead of time about what's right for you. Remember to pack a few things for you: You'll probably be spending the night at the hospital too, so don't forget to pack a few things for yourself: A clean shirt, comfortable shoes, and toiletries should do the trick.

Be prepared for the wait:

Giving birth is a long, hard job and most women are in labor for quite a few hours even before they go to hospital. So prepare something to focus on apart from the time between contractions – watch a movie, listen to music. Truth is, however, that the labor soon pales in comparison to the stress and upheaval of living with a newborn baby. Wonderful though those early days are, the lack of sleep takes its toll, the change in lifestyle is immense and it’s likely both new parents will be on an emotional rollercoaster. Some men feel clumsy around newborns simply because they lack confidence. The secret is to be as hands on as possible right from the start. By interacting with their babies, fathers learn they’re not as inadequate as they feared and develop strong attachments to their newborns. Remember, new mums are learning, too.