TODDLERS WHO HIT

Stop hitting becoming a habit

Almost every child, at some stage, gets into a fight and pushes or hits a playmate. Knowing how common this behavior is doesn’t make it any easier when it’s your child that hurts someone, bites or pulls hair. Parents feel awful. It can help to look at why children fight and have some consistent tactics to stop it happening again.

Why does my child hurt or fight?

Younger children may hurt others without realizing what they are doing. Your toddler may also hurt others because of frustration or anger. At this age toddlers are very self-centered and only have a limited perception of others’ emotions and pain. As your child gets older frustration or anger is still a major cause of aggressive behavior. Older preschoolers may hit out at others if they don’t know better ways of problem-solving or communicating their needs. Hurting others may be a way for your toddler or preschooler to get what they want from another child, like the toy they are playing with. Children may also learn to fight by watching others. If children see adults arguing and fighting they are likely to do the same. If the strategy of hurting another child works, and your child gets what they want this way, that behavior is more likely to continue. Children need to learn acceptable, non hurtful ways of getting along with others and solving problems.

Prevention is better than cure

Toddlers: For younger children, try to anticipate problems and prevent them if possible. Be physically close when they are playing with other children and act quickly if your child is about to hurt someone. Aim to encourage sought-after behaviors. When you see your child playing well (this may be by themselves) give them lots of attention and praise them by telling them exactly what they are doing that pleases you: “You’re playing nicely with the trucks today Jim”. Your toddler may have difficulty saying what they want. Give them some words that they can use: “David say – John it’s my turn now”. Remember to praise your child, this time for nicely saying what they want. Children aren’t fooled by false praise. Ensure your praise is appropriate for the behavior they have exhibited. Preschoolers: Your preschooler will be interacting more with their peers and learning to play co-operatively. Give them attention when they are playing well, sharing or co-operating. Decide on a couple of simple rules for your preschooler about playing with others and talk these rules through with them. Tell your child what behavior you want to see, for example – share and take turns, be gentle, keep your hands and feet to yourself. You may need to set up activities that foster sharing, turn-taking and co-operation, like ball games and board games. Start by playing these games with your child and model the turn-taking behavior to them. If hurting behavior has been a big problem, you may like to have a short-term strategy of giving your child a reward for being gentle and playing well with others. Remember to tell your child how delighted you are when they do the right thing. For your preschooler you may need to begin teaching problem solving skills. Step in and help your child to solve a problem before a fight occurs. Even preschoolers have difficulties finding the right words. You can help by suggesting words: “Julia says – you have had a turn, now it’s my go”. When teaching problem-solving to preschoolers, ask them what the problem is, what each child wants and what they can all do to compromise.

What to do when your child hurts someone

Always act quickly when your child is hurting or fighting with someone. Stop what you are doing and move to within an arm’s length of your child. Firmly tell them what to stop doing and what to start doing: “Lucy stop hitting Peter. Ask him nicely for the blocks” If your child does not do as they are asked, choose a consequence that fits the situation. If there is fighting over an activity or toy, remove it calmly and in a calm but firm way tell them why you are doing this. “Okay you are not sharing the dolls; I’m putting them away for five minutes”. Be prepared for the protests that follow. Don’t engage in any further discussion simply carry out the consequence. When the time is up, return the toy/activity to give the children the chance to play co-operatively with it. If your younger child is hurting another, show them how to be gentle (for example shows them how to stroke hair instead of pulling it). Get your child to practice being gentle for a few seconds. If hurting continues tell your child what they did wrong and the consequence: “You are hitting Mia now you must go to Quiet Time”. Quiet time involves removing your attention for your child and having them sit quietly on the edge of the activity for a short time (half the child’s age in minutes). (You will need to separate children who are being aggressive towards one another). Tell them they must be quiet for two minutes (for a four year old) before you will come and get them. If your child does not sit still and be quiet them you say something like “You are not being quiet in quiet time now you must go to Time Out. Time out involves taking your child to an uninteresting but safe room or space, completely away from the problem situation. Again tell your child they must be quiet for a set number of minutes (again, half the child’s age in minutes is about right) before you will come and get them. When your child has been quiet for the set amount of time in quiet time or time out let them rejoin the activity to practice being gentle and playing well. The strategies of quiet time and time out need to be discussed and practiced with your child before you need to use them. Don’t expect instant results – it may take time for your child to learn the rules of being quiet in quiet time and time out.

What not to do:

Some parent’s deal with their children’s hitting or biting behavior by hitting or biting back. Unfortunately this behavior involves modeling the exact behavior you want your child to control. Some parents get their toddler or preschooler to apologies, but this is not usually enough to stop frequent hurting.

HAIR WASHING

My child is scared of washing her hair

Bath time can be the most fun and carefree time of day - but on hair washing days it's a different story. Many kids hate the sensation of water running over their face and eyes, which makes rinsing shampoo out no easy feat. Mum of one, Laurna Hale says her daughter didn't begin "freaking out" about having her hair rinsed until after she'd fallen over in the sea and been given a fright. "She lost her confidence in the water, and swimming lessons actually helped."

Tips on Rinsing

Here are some tips on rinsing: Let your kids wear goggles Put a flannel over her face Always use a shampoo that won't hurt her eyes Encourage your child to tilt her head back as you rinse. If you put stickers on the ceiling she might be more inclined to look up. If she's still very little and likely to lose her balance, cradle her head on the crook of your arm.

KEEP YOUR KIDS SAFE

With Christmas holidays approaching we’ll be spending more time at home than usual. Every year around 100 children die and another 10,000 are hospitalized in New Zealand from unintentional injuries – many happen around the home. Check your home against this list and see how safe it is:

SAFETY CHECKLIST

Put safety plugs in spare power points. Fit smoke alarms in bedrooms and living areas. Put window latches on all windows that children can reach to prevent falls. Turn your hot water down to 55 deg C. Put slam stoppers on door tops. Empty paddling pools and always keep nappy buckets lidded and out of reach. Never leave preschoolers in the bath alone, even for a few seconds.

Lounge

Avoid low level glass or replace with safety glass; use stickers on glass doors at child height. Don’t put furniture in front of windows. Make sure the TV and free-standing furniture is secure. Store matches, lighters, candles, cigarettes out of reach and lock alcohol away. Make sure blind cords aren’t a strangling hazard. Secure a fireguard around heaters and fireplaces. Keep floor spaces clear. Make sure pot plants aren’t poisonous.

Kitchen / Dining

Make the kitchen a ‘no play area’ while you’re cooking. Use table mats not table cloths. Keep hot drinks out of reach and don’t carry anything hot while you’re holding baby. Lock cleaning products, poisons and medicines away and well out of reach. Secure a freestanding stove to the wall. Turn pot handles inwards and use back elements first. Keep electrical appliances and their cords well out of reach and unplug after using. Keep knives and sharp utensils out of reach. Tie plastic bags in a knot and store securely.

Nursery

Use blankets rather than a duvet with babies and don’t let young children use electric blankets. Keep the cot and other nursery furniture away from power points, curtains, blind cords and windows. Keep mobiles over the cot out of reach and don’t put large toys in the cot. Always keep the cot side up. Change your baby on the floor if possible. Check toys regularly for wear and tear, sharp edges or loose parts. Toy boxes should have a lightweight lid that can be opened from the inside and ventilation holes.

WHAT ARE THE DANGERS?

Once you baby is on the move he is exposed to new dangers. The most common include falls, burns and scalds, water hazards, poisons and baby walkers. Falls When you baby starts to crawl and later walk look out for anything that could injure her if she should fall. Putting padding on sharp corners and edges of furniture can prevent eye of head injuries. Stabilize or remove unstable furniture or anything that may topple over if your baby grabs it – things like standard lamps and coffee tables. Fit safety barriers at the top and bottom or stairs and the edges of decks and back doors. Burns and Scolds Make sure that your hot water temperature is turned down to 50oC. Always run the cold water into the bath before adding the hot water and keep bathroom and toilet doors shut. Always empty the bath as soon as you have finished with it and never leave baby in the bath unsupervised. Check the kitchen area for kettle cords and easily opened oven doors or draws. Tablecloths can be very dangerous as one tug can tip a cup of hot tea or coffee onto a child very easily. Water Hazards Water is a potential death trap – a baby can drown silently in just two minutes in as little as 4cm of water. Always empty the bath as soon as you have finished with it and never leave baby in the bath unsupervised. Use a non-slip mat on the bottom of the bath to prevent slipping. Remove any containers of water such as nappy buckets, fish tanks, or pet drinking bowls. Make sure that your swimming pool and spa pool fencing complies with all fencing regulations. Poisons All poisons including household cleaners and medication should be locked away. Remember to also take care when in other peoples homes; Grandparents may keep their medication in their handbags and people without young children will have all kinds of poisons within reach of your little explorer. Baby Walkers The use of Baby Walkers is not recommended. A pre-mobile infant becomes an active toddler before they are developmentally ready. Common accidents associated with baby walkers include falls down stairs and scalds and burns.

SAFE HOUSE CHECKLIST

Kitchen • Always turn pot handles inwards on the stove • It is safer to cook on rear elements • Install a stove guard (available from appliance or hardware stores) • Keep a small fire extinguisher handy • Use child resistant catches on all drawers and cupboards • Keep all electric cords out of reach • Keep all detergents and household medicines locked away • If you have a dishwasher be especially carefully of dishwasher powder – it is very caustic and your child is at risk of serious injury from tasting or swallowing the detergent. • Use tablemats instead of table cloths • Keep emergency phone numbers by the phone • Keep sharp knives and knife blocks out of reach Bathroom • Make sure that the temperature of your hot water is no more than 500C • Never leave baby in the bath alone • Take the phone off the hook during bath time • Keep the toilet lid closed • Keep the bathroom and toilet doors closed • Install child safety catches on all drawers and cupboards. Lounge • Use close fitting nightclothes to reduce the risk of fire • Install a child proof fire guard secured to the wall around fireplaces and heaters • Hook curtain and blind cords up out of reach • Make sure that you have smoke alarms installed and remember to change the batteries regularly. If you change the batteries every time daylight saving changes then you will always have batteries no more than six months old). • Put safety plugs in unused electric sockets Bedroom • Make sure that babies cot is away from the window and blind cords • Once baby is rolling change nappies on the floor • Keep the side of the cot up at all times • Remove any ribbons or cords from babies clothing • Make sure that furniture is away from the windows Outside • Ensure swimming pool fencing meets safety standards • Fence the outside play area off from the driveway • Install safety glass, wooden bars or safety film on all low level glass • Empty paddling pools when not in use • Shut gates to the property • Remove poisonous plants from the garden • Turn anything that could collect rainwater upside down e.g.: buckets, wheelbarrows • Lock garden sheds and garages • Lock away garden poisons

HOW TO BABYSAFE YOUR HOME

Your little explorer is growing up at such a rapid rate that sometimes it's hard to keep up with her new tricks. One day she'll be unable to get up off her bottom, the next she'll be commando crawling around the living room, and soon you'll turn your back for a second and she'll be standing on her own two feet. That's why it's important to start baby proofing your home now, before you need it. Accidental injuries are one of the most common causes of hospitalization and death for New Zealand children, with an average of two children dying every week. Falls are the most common cause of serious accidental injury to preschoolers, with poisoning, cuts and burns also occurring frequently. Drowning (especially in the bath) and driveway car accidents are other danger areas. Unless you bring your baby up in a bubble, it's impossible to make your home totally baby proof, but there are many things you can do to make safer: • The safest place to change a wriggly baby's nappy is on the floor. If you use a changing table make sure you do up the safety strap every time. Always do up the harness when baby is in the high chair, buggy or car seat. • Tie a knot in plastic shopping bags and store them out of reach of baby. Suffocation is a very real risk. • Once your baby can stand up, move all mobiles or strangulation hazards out of reach of the cot. Keep curtain and blind cords looped up out of reach of children. • Put guards or screens around heaters and fires. Keep lighters and matches in a safe place. • Install security gates at the top and bottom of stairs. • Lock away all medicines out of reach of inquisitive little hands. Don't forget the bedside cabinet. • Put kiddie’s locks on any kitchen or bathroom cupboards that hold cleaning products or other poisons. Don't put dishwashing powder into the dishwasher until just before you're about to turn it on. • Buy security covers for all your power points or ask an electrician to install a residual current device to cut off the power. • Store knives and scissors up high or in lockable drawers. • Make sure that the kettle cord and other electric cords are tucked away out of reach. Empty the kettle after use. Use the back elements when cooking on the stove and turn pot handles towards the wall. Put your hot cup of tea on a high shelf or bench between sips and don't drink hot drinks while carrying or nursing a child. • Screw freestanding bookshelves and chests of drawers to the wall so they won't topple on your toddler. Freestanding ovens should be attached to the wall with a chain. • Don't forget your handbag, and those of your visitors. They'll often contain pills, sharp objects or things that your child may choke on, so make sure they're kept out of reach. • Check that the water temperature in your home is no higher than 50 degrees Celsius so it doesn't scald your baby. Fill the bath with cold water first, and then top up with hot. Buy a rubber mat for the bottom of the bath and always stay within an arm's length of children while they're in the bath. • Keep the toilet lid down and the bathroom door closed. Buy a nappy bucket with a clip-on lid and lift it into the tub when you're soaking clothes and nappies. • If you have large glass windows or doors, ensure the glass is safety glass and stick stickers or tape across them so your child can easily see whether they're open or closed. • Make sure your front and back door latches lock automatically when the door is closed, and that your child can't unlock them. • Fence off an area of the garden or courtyard so your child can play safely without wandering onto the driveway. Make sure swimming and spa pools are fenced according to regulations. Cover the barbecue and remove any sharp tools. Lock poisons in the garden shed. • Lay bark chips under outdoor play equipment to cushion falls. Trampolines are safer if they're recessed into the ground. • Check that your garden plants aren't poisonous and keep toddlers away from spiky cacti. • Install smoke alarms in every room and keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. • Make a list of emergency phone numbers, such as your doctor, your local A&E and the poisons centre, and pin it on the wall by your phone. • Do a first aid course to learn basic techniques such as mouth-to-mouth and CPR, as well as what to do if your baby chokes, is burned or eats something poisonous - you could save your child's life. Phone 0800 RED CROSS for details.

STARTING SOLIDS

Breast Milk is the ideal food for human babies. It contains all the nutrients a baby needs, as well as helping to prevent most infections. When to start solids Breast Milk is the ideal food for human babies. It contains all the nutrients a baby needs, as well as helping to prevent most infections. Most babies ready to start gradually weaning onto some sort of solids from about six months. Before four months of age the newborns digestive system is not developed enough to handle solids, also the natural sodium in some foods such as cereals, eggs and meat can place unnecessary stress on your baby’s kidneys. Delaying the introduction of solids until around six months will also reduce the likelihood of developing allergies later on, particularly if there is a strong history of allergies in the family. First Foods Choose a time when your baby is happy and relaxed to start offering solids; often just after a breast feed. Start with one food at a time. It should be smooth with no lumps and can be mixed with breast milk to make a gravy-like consistency so it is easy for baby to eat. Offer one teaspoon of smooth, runny, slightly warm solids once a day at first. There are different ideas about what type of food should be offered first; some health professionals prefer baby cereals whilst others recommend starting with fruits and vegetables First Foods can include • Commercially prepared baby cereals • Cooked and pureed vegetables. Root vegetables are best egg: kumara, pumpkin, carrot, potato, and taro. Do not add any salt or butter. • Pureed fruit egg: cooked apple, pear, ripe banana, peach, and apricot • Prepared canned baby foods. Do not add any sugar • Leafy vegetables such as silver beet and spinach are best left until after 12 months. Once your baby is eating a good variety of foods at around seven months you can introduce thicker purees with small soft lumps or mashed. New foods to start once baby is eating a good variety of first foods • Cooked meats; lamb, chicken, beef • Melon, pears, nectarine (no skin or pips) • Cooked vegetables; broccoli, taro, yams, watercress, curettes, green beans • Wheat and oatmeal infant cereals, whit toast, plain crackers, dusks Food Tips • Do it yourself – making you own purees is cost effective and easily done with a blender, food processor or mould. You can prepare bulk quantities and freeze in small amounts (freezing the puree in an ice block tray is ideal!). • Leave out salt, sugar and butter. • Avoid dairy products (cheese, yoghurt and custard) until around 8 – 9 months of age. • Avoid cow's milk and egg white until one year of age. • Make sure that the heated food is not too hot or it may burn babies mouth • If your baby refuses some foods, persevere as she may need to taste a new food five or six times before she will accept it. • If your baby continues to refuse a certain food, wait a while and then re-introduce it at a later date. • Don’t get too stressed over your baby's likes and dislikes, keep introducing new tastes and encourage her to eat a wide range of foods.

TEETHING

Teething usually starts around five to six months but the age at which this occurs may vary widely. - First Teeth - How to help you baby during teething - Cleaning Teeth First Teeth Some children are born with teeth and some may not get any until after their first birthday. Early teething does not indicate your child is going to be forward with other developmental processes and late teething does not indicate your child’s development is delayed. A young child will have 20 teeth, called deciduous teeth (baby teeth); these teeth are gradually replaced by 32 permanent teeth. Most babies cut their two lower incisors first, then the two upper incisors appear shortly after, followed by the two lateral incisors on either side, first at the top, then the bottom. Teething affects every baby differently; some babies teeth just pop through without any fuss whilst others find teething upsetting and painful. Signs of teething Teething signs can include • Baby putting fist into mouth • Red cheeks or ears • Drooling • Grizzly and generally unsettled How to help your baby during teething If your baby is unsettled during teething some things to try include; • A teething powder or gel from the chemist. Follow instructions for usage on the pack • A teething ring to chew on; some teething rings can be cooled in the fridge. • Cold things to suck which are clean & firm egg: chilled fruit. To prevent choking wrap the fruit in a muslin cloth first. • Crusts or dusks to chew on • Sucking is soothing so offer extra fluids If you baby starts biting while breastfeeding stay calm, say ‘no’ firmly, stop feeding and wait for a few minutes before starting feeding again. Cleaning Teeth It is a good idea to start cleaning your child’s teeth as soon as the first tooth appears. Use a child’s toothbrush with a small head and soft bristles and fluoridated toothpaste. Even if he only sucks or chews on the toothbrush he will get used to having a toothbrush in his mouth. A blob of toothpaste the size of a pea is ample for young children. Alternatively you can use a soft cloth and a very small smear of fluoride or junior toothpaste until baby is around one year old.

WORKING FROM HOME

Working from home

How to earn extra money at home, and still be with your kids Many people give up caring about work when their worlds are turned upside down by their first child, but a few years on the reality of living off one income and doing little other than parenting starts to spark their interest again. This is when working from home can provide the perfect answer. Broadband internet, email and fax machines have made it all easier; often, people won’t know where you’re working from – or whether you’re still in your pajamas! There’s a huge diversity of work that can be done successfully from home:

Business services

• Word processing • Desktop publishing • Secretarial services • Bookkeeping • Stuffing envelopes for businesses • Web design and hosting

Home help

• Organizing kids’ birthday parties • Ironing and housecleaning • Looking after other kids in your home (for example, as a Barnardos caregiver) • Babysitting • Gardening, lawn mowing or window cleaning • Sewing, tailoring, mending, alterations

Other ideas

• Teaching computer and internet skills • Catering or specialist baking (for example, Christmas cakes or Christmas goodies) • Tutoring (high school students, English as a second language) • On-line trading • Market surveys and telemarketing • Translation services • Party plan selling (for example, books, Tupperware, lingerie, jeweler) • Health and beauty services (for example, massage, facials, hairdressing) Many professional mums contract themselves out from home as architects, lawyers, accountants, journalists, seminar presenters, authors, trainers, or consultants. The secret to success is discipline. Make sure the time you put aside for work is actually used for work. Never mind if the house needs vacuuming - do the business and worry about the rest later. If possible, have an office in a separate room. Have clear working times set aside and know when to shut the door -- but also when to stay out of the office. When you take a break from work, reward your child with some quality time. Whatever you do, sound advice is essential. And don’t get ripped off! Consumer Institute spokesperson David Russell warns against the adverts that promise “Earn money from home - $1000 a week or more…” Commonly, people are hooked in and then asked to send money in return for more information. “What they get back is something that really only teaches them how to rip off others.” Check the websites below for great tips, resources, networking opportunities and information on any regulations that may apply to the area you would like to work in. And good luck!

BABY PLAY

Games and Activities for Baby

Babies thrive in a loving caring environment, the best thing that you can do for your baby is to have fun together. There are lots of games and activities that you can play with your baby that don’t involve expensive toys. Babies don’t need expensive toys but they do need variety. - 4 to 6 months - 6 – 12 months - Toy Libraries 4 to 6 months As your baby explores and experiments, their coordination and motor skills will develop. Toys that will delight and stimulate your baby are ones that they can grab, pull and hold. Introduce books with bright pictures and simple colors. Activities and toys • Toys that make noises when moved or dropped (rattles, squeaky toys, chime balls, peek-in rollers – plastic balls with bells and balls inside) • Peek-a-boo games • Listening to you talking, singing reading and repeating nursery rhymes • Looking at herself in the mirror • Toys that hang above her (mobiles) • Safe household items such as wooden spoons, bowls and measuring spoons 6 to 12 months Your baby becomes more mobile with better coordination. She will love activities like sorting, stacking and fitting objects together. She will like to work simple mechanisms and solve simple problems; like cause and effect “If I push this it moves; if I hit this, it makes a noise” Activities and toys • Anything that rolls; balls or toys with wheels. • Toddler truck with blocks • Simple musical instruments; drums, hand bells, maracas, tambourine • Blocks, stacking cups • Soft toys, bath toys • Activity toys • Simple board and cloth books • Safe household items such as plastic containers, pots and pans Toy Libraries Joining a Toy Library can be a great way to ensure that your child has lots of variety of toys to play with. A toy library welcomes children, their families and caregivers to come and to borrow well designed toys, games, puzzles and equipment, which are made available at minimal cost.

BABY MILESTONES - EIGHT TO TWELVE MONTHS

Your baby is now becoming quite dexterous and manipulates objects with great curiosity. He is very mobile and wants to explore, which means that you will have to reassess the safety of his environment. What your baby can do • Your baby can now sit by himself on the floor for prolonged periods and can reach well to one side without toppling. • He will be able to sit unsupported and get into a sitting position from his tummy. • At around eight to nine months he gets onto his hands and knees in preparation for crawling. • Most babies learn to crawl sometime between six and ten months. Whilst early crawling may look cumbersome it will not be long until your baby can crawl at speed. • Able to sit up from lying. • Starts to pull himself up to a standing position on furniture and learns to bump down onto his bottom. • Once he is confident at standing at the furniture he’ll start cruising around the furniture; the first steps towards walking. • This can also be the beginning of the clingy stage, your baby may cry when separated from Mum and will hide his face when approached by a stranger. • At around ten months your baby will “talk” in conversational tones using nonsense words. • By around twelve months your baby will stand alone momentarily without holding on and will walk forwards with one hand held. He may take a few steps by himself. How to help you baby learns: Crawling • You can encourage your baby to crawl by placing a toy he wants just out of reach. Sitting up • To sit up from lying on his back your baby will roll forward towards his side and push up with his hands. Pull him up to sit in this manner by holding the upper hand. Pull slowly so he can push up with the lower arm. Try letting go two-thirds of the way up and let him complete the rise alone. Talking • Repetition is the key; babies learn and perfect new skills by repetition (lots of it) • Start naming everyday things in your baby’s world and repeat yourself often. Cruising • Once your baby is walking confidently around furniture, he will progress to stretching across gaps in the room. Rearrange furniture to give your baby opportunities to reach from one support to another.

BABY MILESTONES - FOUR TO EIGHT MONTHS

By four months of age your baby will be very alert to the sights and sounds around him. His movements are more organized and purposeful; he learns to reach, grasp and manipulate objects and is also starting to move himself around. What your baby can do • He learns to reach for objects with both hands at around four and a half months and will invariably take a toy to his mouth to explore. • He will turn his eyes and head to find a sound and his vision is now more accurate so he will follow your movements across the room. • From about five months your baby will start to roll to the side and will then progress to rolling onto his tummy. • On his tummy he will be able to push up on straight arms; at first his hands will be out in front but by six months he will be well up with his chest high off the ground. • With plenty of tummy time your baby will develop the upper body strength and muscles that he’ll use to roll over. • Voluntary rolling generally happens anytime from five or six months. Babies do roll earlier, but it is often accidental. • Rolling from back to tummy is generally harder than rolling from tummy to back. • Around six months of age he will reach for an offered rattle and shake it and enjoys banging a toy on a surface in play. He will transfer a toy from hand to hand. • When placed on his feet your baby will bounce, taking a large part of his body weight • When lying on his back, he’ll raise his feet and grasp one, then eventually two. After some practice he will succeed in getting a foot into his mouth. • By six months your baby will move his head and eyes in every direction when his attention is attracted. • Around six and a half months he will begin to pivot in a circle on his tummy. He will also start to get on his hands and knees. • Sometime after six months your baby will start to be able to sit alone; at first propping forward on hands, then gradually straightening up his back and sitting without hand support for longer periods. • Your baby will understand and respond to his own name and may be content to play by himself for short periods of time. • Between seven and eight months your baby may begin to crawl with his tummy on the ground; generally he will move backwards before he can go forwards. Not all babies go through this stage before crawling on, their hands and knees. How to help you baby learn Talking • Always respond to your baby’s attempts to communicate as it is through these early turn taking conversations that he will eventually learn to copy your sounds and make his first words. Rolling • You can help your baby to roll from his back to tummy by first getting him to look to one side, then bending the opposite leg up and rolling it over the other. Make sure that his lower arm is raised to shoulder height so he doesn’t get it stuck under him. Sitting • To encourage sitting, let your baby sit between your legs for support and prop a toy or activity board up in front of him so he can move his hands up off the floor. • Once he is able to sit up without propping on his hands, you can play a “tick-tock” game to encourage him to put his hands down to the side to save his balance. Do this by holding him at the shoulders and slowly tipping him from one side (onto his hand) to the other side, while singing Hickory Dickory Dock. Crawling • Give you baby’s early attempts to crawl a help by placing your hand against the sole of the foot (he will flex one leg forward as he reaches – this is the foot you hold). This gives him something solid to push off. Once he pushes off this foot, and then helps the other foot.

SUPERMARKET TANTRUMS

Supermarket dramas

If you dread taking your toddlers to the supermarket, here’s psychologist Dr Ruth Jilling’s advice to a mum of two, who was at the end of her tether on grocery shopping days. “Supermarket shopping has become a nightmare for me. My two boys aged two and four, are dynamite inside the supermarket. They start out fine but soon want to be out of the trolley and all over the place. I don’t like to make too many threats in public, but otherwise they don’t listen. Do you have any ideas?” Psychologist Dr Ruth Jillings replies: "It sounds like you and your sons have got into a negative cycle at the supermarket. The boys don’t like being cooped up in the trolley so they act out and you make threats and go quietly crazy. Sometimes the easiest solution to a problem is to eliminate the problem. Obviously you still have to eat, but it may be worth taking your sons out of the shopping equation for a while.

Smart tips

You are not alone in dreading the trip to the supermarket. In fact, you may be able to use this to your advantage. Is there another mum who might be prepared to look after your boys while you do your shopping and you could reciprocate for her? Can you take advantage of late opening hours and get the groceries in peace while your partner or a friend baby-sits when the boys are asleep? If you feel you have no option but to take the boys with you, then you need to be smart about the trip. Go early in the morning when you are all fresh and well fed and there are fewer people around. Give the boys clear and simple instructions about the kind of behavior you want. You might agree that you will let them out of the trolley as long as they stay near you and don’t touch anything. Have a list so that you can keep the trip as short as you can. It makes it more fun for your sons if they have some involvement. You may like to have a couple of 'lists' with pictures on and each boy can be in charge of reminding you about the things on their list. You could also consider getting each of them to help with simple choices (separately). Finally, give the boys an incentive for good behavior. Let them know that there is a treat or trip to the swings if they behave well." And most importantly...give yourself a reward too!

HITTING

‘He hurt me’

Here’s an action plan to stop hitting becoming a habit Almost every child, at some stage, gets into a fight and pushes or hits a playmate. Knowing how common this behavior is doesn’t make it any easier when it’s your child that hurts someone, bites or pulls hair. Parents feel awful. It can help to look at why children fight and have some consistent tactics to stop it happening again.

Why does my child hurt or fight?

Younger children may hurt others without realizing what they are doing. Your toddler may also hurt others because of frustration or anger. At this age toddlers are very self-centered and only have a limited perception of others’ emotions and pain. As your child gets older frustration or anger is still a major cause of aggressive behavior. Older preschoolers may hit out at others if they don’t know better ways of problem-solving or communicating their needs. Hurting others may be a way for your toddler or preschooler to get what they want from another child, like the toy they are playing with. Children may also learn to fight by watching others. If children see adults arguing and fighting they are likely to do the same. If the strategy of hurting another child works, and your child gets what they want this way, that behavior is more likely to continue. Children need to learn acceptable, non hurtful ways of getting along with others and solving problems. Prevention is better than cure

Toddlers:

For younger child, try to anticipate problems and prevent them if possible. Be physically close when they are playing with other children and act quickly if your child is about to hurt someone. Aim to encourage sought-after behaviors. When you see your child playing well (this may be by themselves) give them lots of attention and praise them by telling them exactly what they are doing that pleases you: “You’re playing nicely with the trucks today Jim”. Your toddler may have difficulty saying what they want. Give them some words that they can use: “David say – John it’s my turn now”. Remember to praise your child, this time for nicely saying what they want. Children aren’t fooled by false praise. Ensure your praise is appropriate for the behavior they have exhibited.

Preschoolers:

Your preschooler will be interacting more with their peers and learning to play co-operatively. Give them attention when they are playing well, sharing or co-operating. Decide on a couple of simple rules for your preschooler about playing with others and talk these rules through with them. Tell your child what behavior you want to see, for example – share and take turns, be gentle, keep your hands and feet to yourself. You may need to set up activities that foster sharing, turn-taking and co-operation, like ball games and board games. Start by playing these games with your child and model the turn-taking behavior to them. If hurting behavior has been a big problem, you may like to have a short-term strategy of giving your child a reward for being gentle and playing well with others. Remember to tell your child how delighted you are when they do the right thing. For your preschooler you may need to begin teaching problem solving skills. Step in and help your child to solve a problem before a fight occurs. Even preschoolers have difficulties finding the right words. You can help by suggesting words: “Julia says – you have had a turn, now it’s my go”. When teaching problem-solving to preschoolers, ask them what the problem is, what each child wants and what they can all do to compromise.

What to do when your child hurts someone

• Always act quickly when your child is hurting or fighting with someone. • Stop what you are doing and move to within an arm’s length of your child • Firmly tell them what to stop doing and what to start doing: “Lucy stop hitting Peter. Ask him nicely for the blocks” • If your child does not do as they are asked, choose a consequence that fits the situation. If there is fighting over an activity or toy, remove it calmly and in a calm but firm way tell them why you are doing this. “Okay you are not sharing the dolls; I’m putting them away for five minutes”. Be prepared for the protests that follow. Don’t engage in any further discussion simply carry out the consequence. When the time is up, return the toy/activity to give the children the chance to play co-operatively with it. • If your younger child is hurting another, show them how to be gentle (for example shows them how to stroke hair instead of pulling it). Get your child to practice being gentle for a few seconds. • If hurting continues tell your child what they did wrong and the consequence: “You are hitting Mia now you must go to Quiet Time”. Quiet time involves removing your attention for your child and having them sit quietly on the edge of the activity for a short time (half the child’s age in minutes). (You will need to separate children who are being aggressive towards one another). Tell them they must be quiet for two minutes (for a four year old) before you will come and get them. If your child does not sit still and be quiet them you say something like “You are not being quiet in quiet time now you must go to Time Out. Time out involves taking your child to an uninteresting but safe room or space, completely away from the problem situation. Again tell your child they must be quiet for a set number of minutes (again, half the child’s age in minutes is about right) before you will come and get them. When your child has been quiet for the set amount of time in quiet time or time out let them rejoin the activity to practice being gentle and playing well. • The strategies of quiet time and time out need to be discussed and practiced with your child before you need to use them. Don’t expect instant results – it may take time for your child to learn the rules of being quiet in quiet time and time out. What not to do: Some parent’s deal with their children’s hitting or biting behavior by hitting or biting back. Unfortunately this behavior involves modeling the exact behavior you want your child to control. Some parents get their toddler or preschooler to apologies, but this is not usually enough to stop frequent hurting.

BABY DEVELOPMENT MILESTONES

Milestones The first year of your child’s’ life is filled with developmental milestones. It’s hard to believe that within the short space of 12 months your tiny little newborn bundle will be sitting, crawling, standing and maybe even walking! Every child develops differently. Parents should be flexible in their expectations; some children pick up skills earlier or later than others. Being familiar with the average age that babies meet certain milestones will help alert you if there is a problem.

SIX BATH TIME ACTIVITIES TO BUILD WATER CONFIDENCE

Bath time can sometimes be a struggle but making it fun can build their water confidence for bathing as well as swimming. Check out these six activities to help build toddler's water confidence: 1. Blow bubbles in the bath - try getting a ball and blowing it around. 2. Sprinkle water over your child's head until they are comfortable with the feeling of water on their head - this may take some time, but each bath tries a little more. Start with a wet flannel and then move on to a toy watering can or pierce holes in the bottom of an ice-cream container. Go gently to build confidence. 3. Play games with your child in the bath to help them enjoy the water. Hop in too, to help them feel safe. 4. Encourage your child to kick while lying on their stomach in the bath. 5. Support them in the bath, while they lie backwards to get used to the water in their ears. Do this gradually if they are nervous, don't rush it. 6. Use the shower to get them used to flowing water.